The day after Thanksgiving is one where I traditionally try to get as far from town as is humanly possible. This year I succeeded beyond my wildest dreams. I spent the day on the ranch with a group of my favorite boys. Boys only. I now know who can burp the alphabet and who can poot on command. I also know who can’t skip rocks, shoot straight and fish. I did my best to endure the former and my dead level best to improve the latter. I am not the best teacher, but I gave it my best shot. Before the day was over, everybody had a success story to brag about to their Mom and their friends. That is a good day in my book.

By my rough calculations, the nearest mall was 48 miles away. That was not good enough for me. We then drove to the backside of the ranch. There is a pond there that probably only has three inches of water in it and the rest is bullets. You could probably walk across on the misses. It is maybe 80 yards across and there is a big bank all the way around so it is set up as kind of an amateur shooting range. The targets include things like bowling pins and a scuba tank and a real estate sign. =) Call your target and have at it.

That pond has been a perpetual mystery for many years. It seemed like such a perfect place for a pond. The pasture needed a water source to be useful for grazing and the spot is ideal for catching runoff. It never has held water worth a dern though. You can dig a water well with a shovel  in that general vicinity, but you can’t catch water in a pond. That is just weird, friends. Many attempts were made to correct the problems, but to no avail. It is a sorry excuse for a pond. It is a great shooting range though and, thanks to one of the many attempts to make it behave like a righteous pond should, there are a ton of skippable rocks on the banks.

I was the soul of patience when we got there. You’d have been proud of me. Every single boy and man there learned to skip a rock. Some better than others, to be sure, but everybody got it done. I am still the rock skipping champion in my clan. I saw enough potential there to think that I might have someone to pass the crown down to in years to come.

After the rock skipping lessons and the free for all rock chunking orgy it was time for the shooting lessons. Let me just say that teaching young boys to safely handle a .22 rifle is a moving experience to me. To see them so scared and so brave and so eager and interested and overwhelmed all at the same time is a kind of privilege for me. I am known as a bit of a drill instructor on the firing line. My word is law and will not be questioned. Safety is paramount. Even the experienced hands get pretty meek. My oldest is a fine shot. For you shooters, he put five .22 rounds into an inch and a half group at 80 yards. I was pleased as punch. My job at the gun line is taking the rifle or pistol when someone is missing everything and blames it on the gun. Then I hit four or five targets they pick for me and hand them the perfectly good rifle back. =)

We had a great time. We went and hung out with the horses for a while and a good time was had by all. Especially me. I have to tell you this part. I acted shocked that the young boys did not know a boy horse from a girl horse. I walked them over to a boy horse and pointed under him and asked them what they saw. They played dumb. I pointed and said if it had a tallywhacker it was a boy. You never heard such giggling in your life. I then had to run through the list of other names I know for that piece of equipment. They got the point. Well, a bit later, we wereover by the mares who are bred. One of them was close to the fence and I told a boy to look up under there and see what he saw. He dropped to his hands and knees and peered up between he hind legs and then looked at me in utter amazement. “He has two!” As I live and breathe friends, I swear he did. I got a coughing fit to beat the band. When I recovered I explained that what he saw were teats and not two tallywhackers and that this horse was a girl.

Just when I thought I’d heard it all, too.

I had my camera with me and shot photos all day long. No, there are no photos of teats or tallywhackers. It was lots of fun, but with about an hour or so of daylight left, I was tired and decided fishing was the best way to end such a good day.

We headed to the best fishing hole, even though it is closer to the nearest mall by a mile or two. I got six fishing poles for the four who decided to fish. I should have got a dozen. I burned a lot of daylight getting a couple of knot headed boys set up to fish. I was not near so patient at this late point in the day. Both have fished before, but it seemed brand new all over again. One snagged a lily pad on his first cast. The other one snagged his pants. One got the hang of it in time. The other one never did. I finally gave him a perfectly good rod and walked off to finally wet a line myself. I had cast maybe twice when he managed to foul his line beyond belief. Well, says I, get the one leaning on the boat and fish with it. He did. On his first cast, the end of the rod flew out into the lake.

He never even noticed. I pointed it out. He says, “is it not supposed to do that?” Only if you are spear fishing says I. I retrieve his rod and reassemble it. I came very close to putting a lure with no hook on it. I didn’t though. I almost did, but I didn’t. Ten is too old for that trick. He asked if he could walk around to the other side of the pond. I said please do. I’ll stay here and fish.

I was casting and reeling and relaxing. He cast once and caught hisself a tree bass. That means he got his lure up in a tree branch and is not an actual fish. Just so you know. He yells across the pond at me about it and I yelled back “I’m not talking to you right now! I’m fishing!” Rude, I know. I was running out of daylight and patience.

He did finally settle down to trying to fish. Sort of. When asked for an after action report by his Mom all I could think of to say in his favor was that he did not fall in. I was surprised he didn’t. Or didn’t get tossed in by a cranky rod and reel repairman.

A good time was had by all until I caught the biggest fish of the day.

Then a good time was had mostly by me. =)

I hope your weekend has been fun. Even if you went to the mall instead.

Old Hat

Whereas it is the duty of all Nations to acknowledge the providence of Almighty God, to obey His will, to be grateful for His benefits, and humbly to implore His protection and favor -- and whereas both Houses of Congress have by their joint Committee requested me "to recommend to the People of the United States a day of public thanksgiving and prayer to be observed by acknowledging with grateful hearts the many signal favors of Almighty God especially by affording them an opportunity peaceably to establish a form of government for their safety and happiness."

Now therefore I do recommend and assign Thursday the 26th day of November next to be devoted by the People of these States to the service of that great and glorious Being, who is the beneficent Author of all the good that was, that is, or that will be -- That we may then all unite in rendering unto Him our sincere and humble thanks -- for His kind care and protection of the People of this Country previous to their becoming a Nation -- for the signal and manifold mercies, and the favorable interpositions of His Providence which we experienced in the tranquility, union, and plenty, which we have since enjoyed -- for the peaceable and rational manner, in which we have been enabled to establish constitutions of government for our safety and happiness, and particularly the national One now lately instituted -- for the civil and religious liberty with which we are blessed; and the means we have of acquiring and diffusing useful knowledge; and in general for all the great and various favors which He hath been pleased to confer upon us.

And also that we may then unite in most humbly offering our prayers and supplications to the great Lord and Ruler of Nations and beseech Him to pardon our national and other transgressions -- to enable us all, whether in public or private stations, to perform our several and relative duties properly and punctually -- to render our national government a blessing to all the people, by constantly being a Government of wise, just, and constitutional laws, discreetly and faithfully executed and obeyed -- to protect and guide all Sovereigns and Nations (especially such as have shewn kindness onto us) and to bless them with good government, peace, and concord -- To promote the knowledge and practice of true religion and virtue, and the encrease of science among them and us -- and generally to grant unto all Mankind such a degree of temporal prosperity as he alone knows to be best.

Given under my hand at the City of New York
the third day of October in the year of our Lord 1789
George Washington

Bookmark61 did it for dollars.

K8tthelate recorded her paid time.

Go visit and be amazed and then come back and read my (abbreviated) list of (the most interesting) paying jobs that I have had. That I will admit to. Then you can make your own list and let us all know about it! I will happily recommend your blog post because I think this idea is a lot of fun.

Without further ado, here is my (abbreviated) list of paying jobs.

1.  Picking strawberries - for twenty five cents per flat.
2. Watering down the swamp coolers mid sermon to keep the church house as cool as possible.
3. Mowing yards – sometimes for as much as $5!
4. Building swing sets - for $8 each.
5. Helping Mr. Kermit replace the culvert in his driveway. He paid me $20 but I was too tired to ride my bike home when it was over.
6. Roofer’s helper – I carried all the shingles up to the roof about 10 at a time. I could not lift the whole bundle.
7.  Brick mason’s helper. This is where I learned all of the Spanish cuss words that I know today. I also learned that I did not want to be a brick mason for a living.
8. Babysitting. Lots and lots and lots of it. This is where I learned all of the sign language that I know today and explains why I baby talk when I sign.
9.  Busboy at a Pizza Hut. This is where I learned all of my wicked awesome video game skills. Specifically Space Invaders and Galaga.
10. Selling oil and tires and car radios. This was the first “real” job I ever had. I was 15. They paid me with a pay envelope filled with cash instead of a check. It made it really easy to spend most of it before I got out of the building.
11. Sporting goods clerk. I lasted about a week. I had a mom come in looking for a protective cup for her son. It could only have been more embarrassing if her son had been with her. I was showing her the sizes. She got redder and redder and kept saying “I’m sure that one is too big”. Turns out she thought the waist size indicated on the package (i.e. 28”, 32”, 34”) meant something else and she was sure her boy’s was not that big. I mishandled it. So to speak.
12. Proof operator at a bank. Do they still even have those?
13. Bank teller. In the lobby, in the drive through and in the vault. I have had a lot of money pass through my hands.
14. Firefighter. This was back in the smoke eater, tail board riding days. I was not good at this.
15. EMT/Paramedic. What. A. Rush.
16. Debit insurance salesman. Do they still even have those?
17. -11 manager. I make a mean Slurpee.
18. Valentine flower delivery man. I was so popular!
19. Ranch hand, cowboy, wrangler. You knew that. That job includes everything from plowing and planting to baling hay, roping, branding, building fences and bizarre things like cutting bulls and artificially inseminating heifers.
20. Horse training. This is fun but not for the timid.
21. Web site design. Hard to believe, I know.
22. Public relations work for a woman who bought an old apartment complex next to the local hospital and turned it into a non profit, inexpensive hotel for the families of people who, like her, had a loved one in the hospital for a long time. She had to sleep in the waiting room a lot and did not want anyone else to have to do that.
23. Art director…for lack of a better term. There were lots of very talented people in the room… and me. The photographer, the food stylists, the graphic artists. If you live in the US I promise you have seen their work. All world class professionals. And me. I was the one who said yes or no.
24. Traveling salesman. I’ve sold millions of pounds of slow smoked beef brisket. Hungry yet?
25. Interim Bible Study Teacher. I told the man who hired me that I’d happily do the job for free. He said no because he would feel better bossing me around if I was getting paid and he had every intention of bossing me around.

Wow. 25 already and we have not even scratched the surface of my long and illustrious career. =D

I hope you decide to play along. Be sure and let me know!

Old Hat